


The things these hands have done

by bloodamber



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Brotzly - Freeform, DGHDA Beginner Bang 2018, DGHDA Big Bang and Beginner Bang 2018, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Murder, Post Season 2, Set after Season 2, Sharing Clothes, but mostly Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-06 21:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14656482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodamber/pseuds/bloodamber
Summary: With Bart incapacitated at Blackwing the universe forces Dirk to kill in her place. Dirk, as you would expect, doesn't cope well and Todd is left to pick up the pieces.Written for the Dirk Gently Beginner Bang 2018





	The things these hands have done

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2018 DGHDA Beginner Bang, organised by the amazing mods of the [DGHDA Big Bang](https://dghdabigbang.tumblr.com/), who made this all possible and so much fun.
> 
> Beta’d by the most wonderful [inkyfishes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkyfishes)
> 
> Artwork was created for this fic by the lovely [kezokino](http://kezokino.tumblr.com/post/174074271090/my-part-of-the-dghda-beginner-bang-collab-with-the).

_ The alleyway was dark. At its entrance stood a man; hunched over, shaking, hands covered in blood. A small whimper escaped his mouth; a plea for help that no one was around to hear.The knife in his hands clattered to the pavement below and he staggered away from the body at his feet, footsteps fading until silence took over once again. _

 . . . 

It had been a bad day.

Two pararibulitis attacks had left Todd tired, achy, and feeling more sorry for himself than usual. The first attack had been minor, his hands freezing as he had started the dishes, but the morning pills took the edge off and it had all been over in the space of a minute.

The second had come without warning, hitting him hard and fast. Even hours later he still ached from the sensation of each bone splintering within his body, the pain lingering long after the attack had ended. Exhausted, he had barely found the strength to make it to the couch before collapsing in exhaustion.

It was only when night began to creep in that Todd contemplated moving. His stomach had started to rumble and he was faced with the tough decision of getting up to order food or remaining curled up on the couch, wallowing in misery.

A quiet knock on the door broke Todd from his private pity party and he turned tired eyes towards the door, hoping that if he ignored it they would go away.

The knocking came again moments later, this time with a timid “Todd?” accompanying it.

Todd let out a groan of frustration; not having the patience or the energy to deal with Dirk but knowing he couldn't just ignore him either. Dirk was persistent and had an uncanny ability of getting into Todd's apartment whenever he pleased. At least he was obeying the rules of polite entry this time.

With effort Todd got himself off the couch, muscles protesting the movement after lying still for so long. He hoped Dirk wasn't going to try and drag him out on one of his ‘hunches’. Shuffling over to the door Todd undid the lock and pulled it open, completely unprepared for what was awaiting him on in the other side of it. 

“I didn’t realise you knew how to knock Di– _Dirk!_ ”

All drowsiness and pain vanished at the sight of Dirk. The usually cheerful detective stood in the middle of the hallway, looking like he had just stepped out of a horror film. Blood coated his hands and was splattered across his torso; his white dress shirt and parts of his favourite yellow jacket saturated with red, the colour contrasting starkly against the cheery yellow and white.

“ _Shit_ , Dirk! What happened? Are you okay, are you hurt?”

Todd ushered Dirk into his apartment, shooting glances in each direction to check no one had witnessed Dirk in his current state. It really wouldn’t do to have the police around asking questions Todd had no answers to.

Closing the door and locking it behind him, he turned to find Dirk standing in the middle of his entrance way looking lost. He had yet to speak since calling out Todd’s name earlier, a worrying sign. His behaviour was horribly similar to the breakdown he’d had in Bergsberg after they had been attacked by a deranged Suzie Borton at the hospital.

Todd approached him slowly, gently placing a hand on his arm and moving into his line of sight. “Dirk? Hey, look at me.” Todd waited until the grey eyes met his own before continuing in a softer tone, “are you hurt?”

At Dirk’s continued silence Todd felt himself really beginning to panic. Dirk was _never_ this quiet. Even in the most dire of situations he always had something to say.

He started to check the man over, pulling his jacket aside to check for wounds or any indication of where the blood was coming from.

“The blood isn’t mine.” Todd barely made out Dirk’s whispered words but felt himself relax when his own search failed to reveal any obvious wounds.

“Okay, that's...good.” Todd could see Dirk retreating back into his own head and quickly blurted out, “can you tell me what happened?”

Dirk shrunk into himself at the question, shaking his head frantically, eyes wide and panicked. “Hey, hey that's okay…” Todd rushed to reassure. He wished Farah was here in this moment to take charge, she would be much better at dealing with a situation like this. But he’d also had enough experience from helping Amanda through pararibulitis attacks to know that his first priority should be getting Dirk back to some semblance of himself before demanding more answers.

His course of action decided he caught Dirk’s attention again. “Why don’t we go get you cleaned up, hmm?”

Dirk let himself be guided towards the bathroom and Todd positioned him in front of the sink. Seeing Dirk’s reflection in the bathroom mirror Todd thought he should probably get the man out of his bloody clothes as well.

“I’m just going to grab some clothes you can change into. Why don’t you wash off your hands and take off that shirt?” Dirk met his eyes briefly in the mirror and gave a small nod of agreement so Todd left him to do just that.

While in his room, he called dialed Farah’s number. Her phone went straight to voicemail and Todd cursed his luck. He left her a message with the details and no small amount of desperation leaking into his voice, hoping she would call back soon. Maybe by then he would have some more information.

The lack of answers for Dirk’s condition had him worried. Whose blood had been on Dirk and what had happened to put it there? Was there someone injured or dying out there that Dirk had tried to help? Should he call the police or an ambulance? He knew he was far from the best person to deal with a situation like this but his gut instinct was to wait. To hear what Dirk had to say before making anymore calls. If the last two cases with Dirk had taught Todd anything it was that the police could become more of a hindrance than help.

Grabbing a fresh white t-shirt from his dresser and a pair of sweatpants that he hoped would be large enough to fit Dirk, Todd hurried back to the bathroom. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving Dirk alone for too long.

Arriving back with clothes in hand he found Dirk slumped against the sink, fingers gripping the porcelain with a white-knuckled grip. His expression was grief stricken as he looked at himself in the mirror.

Cursing his stupidity at not covering it before, Todd dropped the clothes and stepped forward to pull Dirk away from the mirror, turning him until they were face to face.

Gripping Dirk’s shoulders tightly Todd shook him a little, “Dirk?”

When Dirk didn’t respond Todd shook him harder, relieved when he managed to gain the other man’s attention. Todd watched as he jerked in his grip, coming back from whatever horrible memory he had been reliving.

“Todd?” His voice wavered and he reached up, fingers tangling themselves tightly in Todd’s sleeves. “Help me.” Dirk’s pleaded, eyes filling with tears.

Todd shuddered at the raw emotion and pain radiating from Dirk, managing a jerky nod before untangling himself from Dirk’s grip and stepping towards the sink.

He quickly grabbed a towel and threw it over the mirror before turning on the taps and filling the sink with warm water. Dirk had collected himself somewhat in that time and had moved back to the sink.

Todd took Dirk’s hands and guided them under the water. Grabbing the soap he scrubbed gently at Dirk’s hands, making sure he removed all traces of blood and trying to ignore the way they shook in his grip and how red the water was once he was done.

Grabbing the hand towel, he dried Dirk’s hands and his own before retrieving the clothes from the floor where he had dropped them and set them on top of the closed toilet lid.

“Here are the clothes, I hope these fit you.” Dirk looked at them but didn’t make a move to remove his bloodied jacket or other items of clothing.

“I don't have to help you with this too do I?” Todd half joked.

“I'm in shock; not an an invalid Todd.” Dirk retorted, voice shaky as he attempted at sounding like his old self. He seemed to have regained his equilibrium now the blood was off his hands. It was a welcome change from the shell-shocked silence.

Leaving Dirk to change in private he set to stripping the sheets from his bed and laying down new ones, pulling out his spare blankets to make it up for Dirk. There was a soft scuffing noise from behind him and Todd turned to see Dirk watching him from the doorway. Without Dirk’s mouth running a mile a minute he was surprisingly noiseless.

Dirk looked much better out of his bloodied clothes, even if the borrowed pants were a tad short on him and the plain colours left him looking pale and washed out in comparison to his usual colorful ensembles.

“I changed the sheets, you can sleep here tonight.” Todd indicted the freshly made bed.

“You didn't have to do this for me. I can sleep on the couch.” Dirk protested.

“I want you to have the bed. I think you need it more than me right now.”

“I'm not even tired.” He sounded like a petulant kid before bedtime. 

“Well _I_ am and I want to make sure you are okay before I go to bed.”

“You don't have to babysit me, Todd.”

“It's only babysitting if you’re going to act like a kid about this. Come on, just lay down for a little bit.” He suggested instead.

“I just...I don’t think I can sleep right now.”

“Then...come sit with me.” Todd sat at the end of the bed and indicated the spot next to him. Reluctantly Dirk joined him, looking tense and uncomfortable.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Todd asked softly after a few moments.

“I’d rather not.” Dirk studiously avoided eye contact, fiddling with the edge of his borrowed t-shirt.

“Dirk," Todd tried very hard not to let frustration bleed into his voice, “this is serious. I need you to talk to me.”

“Todd I'm grateful that you are helping me, but I’m okay now, everything is _fine_ .” He stressed the last word as though it could make it more true. Perhaps Dirk would have had a better chance at fooling him with such flimsy assurances if he hadn’t seen the man covered in blood and shell-shocked outside his apartment. Todd knew he was the furthest from _fine_ as he could get.

“No, I’m calling bullshit. No one comes back looking like you did and is fine! Something happened and you need to tell me.” Todd took a breath to calm himself before continuing in a more regulated tone, “I’m here for you Dirk. You can rely on me, you know that right?”

“I...I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“There is never going to be a good time. Sometimes it’s best to talk about it before you bottle it too far inside. Like ripping off a band-aid.” 

“Ripping off band-aids _hurts,_ Todd.”

“Yeah, but then it’s over and you will feel better…” Dirk didn’t look convinced and Todd ran a hand through his hair in agitation. “Look, I suck at analogies. I’m just worried about you. Can you at least tell me, was it Black Wing?” Todd was fairly certain it wasn’t.They had been very much under the radar since the whole Wendimoor craziness.

“No, not Black Wing. It was…something else...” Dirk trailed off, staring at the far wall with a haunted gaze. Todd had to bite down his own response as to not push Dirk too hard for answers. 

Dirk started speaking after a long pause. “I– there was an alleyway. I went down it for a case… I think. I felt like I needed to go down that alleyway, it was important. It was connected...in someway.” Dirk paused and seemed to brace himself before continuing.

“There was a man… in the alley. I stumbled on where he was hiding, he pulled a knife and lunged at me and then... I don’t really remember, it happened so fast but next thing he had the knife sticking out of his chest, and there was blood– so much blood...and I tried– I couldn’t– and he just…” Dirk shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut.

Todd was horrified at what he was hearing. Dirk had... _killed_ someone? He couldn't picture it. Dirk, who preferred words over violence, running over confrontation. But the evidence was there, the blood soaked shirt crumpled on the bathroom floor confirmed it.

Todd hesitated before reaching across to place a hand on Dirk’s shoulder, unsure if his touch would be welcome but was gratified to see Dirk lean into him slightly. He squeezed comfortingly but refrained from doing anything more, thinking Dirk would desire space in this moment. Better to let the other man to come to him.

“Dirk, what you just described...it sounds like self defense. He came at you with a knife. No matter what happened after that, you’re not to blame." 

“But I killed him, Todd.” Dirk whispered, his red rimmed gaze holding Todd’s before he looked away. “I’m a bad person.”

“No!” Dirk jumped at the volume in which Todd replied. “Don’t you _dare_ think that. I have seen enough horrible things in this world to know a bad person when I see them, and that isn’t you. It is the furthest from you that there could possibly be.”

“I...I don’t know if I can believe that right now.” 

“Then you will just have to trust me. I believe you are a good person and that will have to be enough for now.”

“How can you think that after what I just told you?” 

“You believed in me when nobody else did. Helped me become a better person. I _like_ who I am now. I like the person I am when I'm friends with _you_.”

“Thank you Todd.” Dirk responded, voice thick with emotion. “You are a good friend.” Todd squeezed his shoulder again before dropping his hand. Dirk followed the movement, listing sideways before catching himself.

“Right I think it's time for bed.”

“But I'm not–” A yawn cut off the rest of his sentence and Todd raised his eyebrows in response. “I guess I could sleep...for a little while.”

They both stood up and Dirk moved around the bed to get under the covers. He stared back and Todd imploringly.

“What, do I have to tuck you in?” Todd asked after a moment. Dirk didn’t answer but made a half hearted attempt to pull the blankets up himself. Todd shook his head in exasperation before walking over to do it himself.

“Thank you...for looking after me.” Dirk whispered when Todd had finished smoothing the blankets over him, his voice slurred and eyes drooping more noticeably now.

“Of course, Dirk.” Todd realised that Dirk probably wasn’t used to this kind of comfort. Black Wing didn’t strike him as the sort of place to tuck people into bed. Not for the first time Todd felt overwhelmingly sad for the life Dirk had been forced to endure for a gift he couldn’t even control.

.

Todd stayed for a few minutes to make sure Dirk was comfortable, hovering by the doorway before it started to feel creepy watching him sleep.

He slipped out into the living room to make his own bed on the couch but for Todd, sleep remained elusive, unable to get the image of a blood-soaked Dirk out of his head.

Heaving a sigh he got up again, and went to sort out the bathroom. Picking up the neatly folded pile of clothes Dirk had left him and separating out the bloodied items for washing.

The white shirt was a lost cause, so Todd put it aside, stomach queasy when he considered whose blood might be on it. He focused his attention instead on cleaning the spots of blood that had made their way onto Dirk’s jacket and pants. When he had scrubbed them as best he could he left them to soak overnight.

Urgent knocking at the door pulled Todd out of his washing trance and he heard Farah announce herself.

He wiped his hands dry before letting her in. She burst through the door, eyes darting around frantically. “Todd, where is Dirk? Is he–”

“Shh, he's asleep at the moment.” Todd explained quickly before she could get too worked up, motioning towards the bedroom.

Farah nodded lowering her voice. “Is he okay?”

“I...honestly don't know.” Todd felt like he could admit that now. Farah was here, she would have a plan. “He says he’s fine, but the way he looked… the things he told me… it’s bad Farah.”

“Okay, let’s just take a step back. Start from the beginning, tell me everything.”

Todd collapsed onto the couch and Farah settled next to him. She took one of his hands in her own, offering her silent support while waiting for him to get his thoughts in order.

Todd looked down at their clasped hands drawing strength from her grip. He started talking, haltingly at first and then faster until the whole horrible story spilled from his mouth. Farah listened with an increasingly drawn expression, grip tightening on his hand.

“That’s...shit, that’s bad.” She said when he was done.

“So what do we do? Should we call the police?”

“That might not be a good idea right now.” Farah looked pained at the thought of once again going against the law. “If this is one of those Dirk-things, we could be dealing with something much larger and more messed up. Enough cops have been killed or injured in our cases.” Todd knew she was thinking of Hobbs and Tina and how close they had come to dying.

“ _God dammit_!” Todd launched himself off the sofa, too agitated to keep still, his frustration growing at how helpless they always seemed to be in these situations. “Why does this keep happening. Just when we think things are back to normal something like this happens!”

“Todd, calm down.” Farah, reached out to grip his arm, pulling him back down onto the couch. “Getting worked up isn’t going to fix this. We need to keep it together for Dirk, he can’t help these things.”

“I know! It’s just, can’t the universe just give us a break?” He didn’t know how Dirk did it, going from one disaster to the next. His behaviour in Bergsberg made a lot more sense now. There was only so much shit you can endure before you just want to give up.

“I think I should go, let you get some sleep.” Farah spoke after a few long moments of silence, drawing Todd out of his darkening mood.

“What– no! I don’t know what I’m doing!” He couldn’t help the panic in his voice. “What if I make it worse? I have no idea how to help him with this.”

“From what you have told me you have been doing just fine. He came to _you_ , he needs you right now.”

Todd wished he had as much confidence in his own care taking abilities. There was no telling what Dirk would be like once he woke up. He had to swallow down his plea for her to stay, knowing there wasn’t really much she could do except make him feel better about the whole situation.

His trepidation must have shown on his face because she frowned, concerned. “Do you want me to stay?”

“No, you are right. Probably best we don’t crowd him. It won’t work with both of us staying here anyway.” There really wasn’t any space in his pokey little apartment for another guest.

“I’ll come back first thing tomorrow and we can sort things out then.” Farah offered and Todd nodded in agreement, relieved. 

“Okay.” Todd agreed, following her to the door and hugging her good night. When she had gone he allowed himself to collapse against the wood, scrubbing a hand over his face tiredly. He felt the weight of responsibility for Dirk’s welfare fall across his shoulders and only hoped he was up for the task.

 . . .

A few hours later, Todd was woken from his light slumber at the noise of footsteps coming from his room. He sat up on the couch, rubbing his eyes awake before looking up to see Dirk hovering at the bedroom door. 

“Dirk? Are you–” Todd cut himself off before he could ask dumb questions.

“I was just going to get a glass of water.” Dirk explained but didn't make any move towards the kitchen, remaining frozen.

“Do you want to sit with me?” Todd offered instead. He indicated the spot next to him and Dirk joined him after a brief hesitation. Up close Todd could see he had been crying – his cheeks were flushed and his eyes red.

“Please, talk to me Dirk. I can’t help you until I know how.”

Dirk held his gaze for a long moment before his gaze dropped to the floor.

“I can’t sleep.” He confessed after a long moment. “Every time I close my eyes…I see him...and _so much blood_.” Dirk forced the words out, his voice raw and choked. 

Unprepared for the admission Todd sat there feeling useless. His mind was blank, no words of comfort seeming adequate for the situation. After a few moments of indecision Todd shuffled closer to Dirk and went with his urge to pull him closer. Dirk tensed up for a moment at the touch before collapsing fully against Todd, starting silently sob against his shoulder.

It took a while for Dirk to stop crying but Todd didn’t mind. Stroking his back lightly the way he remembers his mother doing for him when he was younger. Offering comfort through human contact.

Eventually Dirk shuffled back, eyes downcast, the picture of shamed embarrassment. “Sorry about…” Dirk gestured to the wet patch he had left on Todd’s shoulder.

“Don’t be.” Todd interrupted, shaking his head. “It’s okay to be not okay, Dirk.”

Dirk shrugged, wiping his eyes. He looked so fragile and defeated in that moment Todd wanted to pull him back in and never let go, a fierce protective instinct flaring to life within him. Instead he waited in silence, ready for whatever Dirk might need.

“Could I– do you think...would it be okay if I just sat here with you awhile?” Dirk haltingly asked after a moment.

“Of course.” Todd reassured him quickly.

Silence fell over them like a blanket, thick and heavy. Todd fidgeted, not sure how to deal with this new silent Dirk, until he thought to turn on the TV. Flicking through the channels the only things on offer where infomercials and old reruns. After a minute if changing channels aimlessly he settled on old episode of Scooby Doo.

He saw Dirk slowly start to relax as the show progressed, starting to comment on the silly situations the Scooby Gang found themselves in and laughing along with Scooby and Shaggy’s antics.

An hour passed this way before Dirk started to nod off. At first he seemed to be trying to keep himself awake. Focusing intently on the cartoons or pinching his leg when he thought Todd couldn't see him, but eventually he lost the fight.

They were onto the 3rd or 4th episode of Scooby Doo when Todd felt a warm weight collapse against him. Dirk’s head was resting against his shoulder, his even breathing telling Todd he was out cold. Unwilling to wake him up Todd settled in for being his human pillow. He was warmed by the trust Dirk was displaying, usually more awkward and unsure with initiating human contact or letting his guard down.

 . . .

The next time Todd woke there was light peaking through the curtains. He lifted his head off the back of the couch wincing at the crick in it from sleeping in such an awkward position.

Dirk was still asleep at his side, having moved in the night until he was almost draped across his lap. It took a few minutes of careful manoeuvring to get up from the couch without disturbing Dirk.

He stretched, wincing when his spine popped and rolling his shoulders. He was definitely getting too old to bum it on the couch. 

After a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve himself and brush his teeth he made his way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. With that brewing he opened the fridge door, groaning when he realised it housed nothing but a half empty carton of milk and a few condiments. He had intended to go to the supermarket yesterday before his first attack had hit him. Closing the door with a sigh he added shopping to his mental list of things to do today.

Pouring himself a cup of coffee he swallowed a couple of pills and moved over to the window, watching as the sun rose and wondering how long it would take for Dirk to wake. He didn't have to wonder long when Dirk sat up on the couch, looking sleep mussed and confused at his surroundings.

“Morning sleepy head.” Todd teased, drawing his attention. “There is coffee in the kitchen, but nothing else...sorry.”

Dirk stood from the couch, wincing as he stretched his own back. “You know I don't drink coffee Todd. It’s disgusting.” His face twisted in distaste to demonstrate his point.

“It’s the only thing keeping me standing right now.” He took another appreciative sip. “There might be a few tea bags in one of the cupboards though.”

Dirk starting poking through the cupboards in the kitchen, letting out a triumphant “ _Ah-ha!_ ” when he emerged victorious with a tea bag clutched proudly in his hand.

Todd watched him brew his tea, enthusiastically adding sugar and most of the leftover milk. In his excitement he took a sip without leaving it to cool, letting out a yelp when the liquid burnt his tongue.

Todd smiled into his own cup, happy to see Dirk more like his old self. The buzz of caffeine was also helping to brush away his lingering fatigue and once the final sip of coffee was gone Todd gathered his courage to address the elephant in the room.

“So Dirk...about last night…” Dirk stiffed, grip on his mug tightening until his fingers went white.

“Todd, I think its it's best we forgot about it.”

“Forget...but you–” Todd stepped away from the window towards Dirk. “You were a _mess_ last night Dirk!”

“And now it’s morning. Time to move on.” He waved his hand in the air carelessly.

“I really think–”

“ _Todd._ ” Dirk interrupted him sharply, finally meeting his eyes. “Not now.”

“Okay.” Todd relented,knowing if he continued to push Dirk would just clam up further. He saw Dirk glance at him in surprise out of the corner of his eye.

“Okay?” Dirk echoed, confusion evident. 

“Yeah, okay.” Todd agreed. He walked back into the kitchen to wash out his cup, feeling Dirk’s stare on his back. When the cup was clean and drying on the rack he turned to Dirk.

“So, how do you feel about a shopping trip?”

“Shopping?” Dirk quirked his head to the side at the subject change.

“Yeah, if you hadn’t noticed, I am low on pretty much everything.”

“Of course I noticed Todd, I _am_ a detective.” Drik made an exaggerated duh face. It was a promising sign of things returning to normal.

“Well then it shouldn't be a surprising deduction that I would need your help lugging all the groceries home.”

“I am not going out like this Todd.” He gestured to the now rumbled white shirt and too small track pants he wore.

“I’m sure I have something you can borrow. Come on.” Todd lead the way to his room, finding Dirk an outfit that would be suitable until he could get back to his own home.

He gave Dirk the first go in the bathroom while he texted Farah their plans so she wouldn't turn up while they were out. She agreed to meet them at his apartment in an hour and Todd felt himself relax, soon they could get this whole mess sorted out. He just had to keep them out of trouble for the next hour. Easy.

 . . .

The supermarket was almost empty when they walked in, only a few other shoppers walked the aisles. Todd pulled out the ratty list he had written up and tore it in half, handing one of the pieces to Dirk.

“Make yourself useful. Grab the things on the list and meet me at the check out in 10 minutes?”

“Only if I get the cart!” Dirk manoeuvred the cart from Todd’s grip and was wheeling away before Todd could form any sort of protest.

Laughing to himself, he grabbed a basket for himself and checked his list, squinting slightly when he could barely make out his own writing. He was pretty sure the first thing written was supposed to be bread but after that it got more intelligible.

Shrugging, he stuffed the list back into his pocket. He was in need of pretty much everything so the list wasn’t really necessary but hoped that Dirk didn’t take that as the excuse to load the cart with junk food.

Wandering the aisles he started grabbing all the necessary items, half filling his basket with groceries when a loud crash sounded out the aisle over.

“Oh bugger.” Dirk’s voice sounded a moment later.

Todd grabbed the can of baked beans he wanted and hurried around the shelf to find Dirk. He was crouched over a smashed bottle of oil on the floor, hands hovering uselessly around it, a devastated expression on his face.

“Todd I’m sorry, it slipped out of my grip.” He sounded upset now, fingers now moving to pick up the pieces of glass that littered the aisle.

“Dirk, don’t touch the glass, you might cut yourself!” Todd warned, wondering how Dirk had survived all those years on his own. Sometimes he would show an alarming lack of common sense. 

Dirk jerked back and stood up. “I just wanted to help.” His voice was small and hurt sounding.

“It’s fine Dirk, accidents happen. I will just pay for it when we go to the counter and everything will be fine.”

“Everything doesn’t feel fine Todd. Smashing that bottle felt _wrong_. Something bad’s going to happen. 

“Come on, you’re being ridiculous now. We will just let one of the employees know so they can clean up the mess and everything will be fine.”

Todd headed over to tell someone of the spill and Dirk trailed along behind him, pushing the cart. They were almost at the end of the aisle when a yell and loud thump came from behind them. They both turned to see a man lying still in the aisle they had just exited.

“Oh no.” Dirk moaned, staring at the fallen man in horror. “ _Please_ no.”

Todd began to approached the man, the cold feeling at the pit of his stomach growing when he spotted blood smeared on the shelf and across the floor from where the man had hit his head.

In a daze he pulled out his phone, calling 911 and requesting an ambulance. More people are crowded to the scene by that time, their horrified murmuring sounding muffled to his ears. An employee in a green shirt knelt next to the fallen man, attempting to rouse him and stem the bleeding that was coming from the wound on his head.

There wasn’t much anything anyone could do after that until the ambulance arrived. It only took about 10 minutes, the sirens announcing their approach and prompting the other staff members to usher people back and out of the way of emergency personnel.

Todd had already moved back to where Dirk was standing, keeping him close. Dirk had retreated back into himself and and nothing Todd could say would rouse a response. He just watched with sad eyes as the ambulance crew carefully lifted the injured man on to the stretcher and wheeled him away.

A police officer approached them not long after, asking them questions about what had happened. Todd did the talking as Dirk continued to sit in silence, only sparing a nod or shake of his head if directed a question. They were cleared to go after that and Todd was grateful to leave the morbid scene behind.

.

“I did this.” Dirk broke the silence between them after they had been walking for a few minutes, his words quiet but clear. “I hurt that man.”

“It was an accident.” Todd replied, saddened to realise that any progress he had made the night before had been undone by what had happened. He wished he had never suggested the stupid shopping trip.

“It was just like last night.” Dirk continued as thought Todd hadn’t spoken. “I could feel that something was going to happen and then he slipped on the bottle _I_ dropped.”

“Dirk, you can’t be expected to take responsibility for every accident that happens around you. Whether you sensed it or not doesn’t change the fact that isn’t your fault.”

Dirk didn’t reply, but Todd knew better than to think he had won the argument. They walked the rest of the way in silence.

 . . .

Farah was pacing agitatedly outside Todd’s apartment when they got back. She rushed up to meet them.

“Where have you guys been? You didn’t answer my calls!”

“Shit, I’m so sorry Farah.” Todd checked his phone and sure enough there were 3 missed calls from Farah. “There was an accident at the supermarket.”

Farah took in the subdued Dirk and read between the lines of what Todd was saying. “How bad?”

“The guy was taken to hospital. He slipped on some oil and hit his head pretty badly.”

“What Todd failed to mention is that I was the one who dropped the oil. I caused it.”

“ _Dirk–_ ”

“No Todd, you can’t convince me it wasn’t.”

“Fine.” Todd unlocked the apartment and walked inside, needing some distance before he lost his cool and said something he would regret. He heard Farah and Dirk join him inside but Todd refused to turn around, still struggling with his frustration.

“I’m sorry, Todd.” Dirk said to his back. “I just really don’t think this is something you can help me with.”

Todd turned. “But what kind of assis-friend would I be if I didn’t at least try?”

Dirk’s smiled a little at the term but it slipped off his face as quickly as it had come. “You can’t help that I’m cursed, Todd.”

“You’re not cursed Dirk. Just unlucky…” Todd winced at his wording.

“You call the universe making me _kill_ people unlucky?”

“I only meant–”

“Wait,” Farah interrupted their conversation, looking like a light bulb had gone off in her head. “Repeat what you just said.”

“I was describing Todd’s terribly underrated way of calling me a murderer.”

“No, you said the universe was making you kill. Doesn't that...who else do we know that kills for the universe?”

“Bart…” Dirk paled at the comparison, “but how?”

“I have no idea Dirk, this is more your area of expertise. I was hoping you could tell us?”

“You both already know, I have no idea how any of what I do works.”

“But has anything happened like this before?”

Dirk shook his head.

“Are you sure-”

“I don't know!” Dirk yelled suddenly, shocking them both into silence. “I don’t bloody well know!”

“Dirk, it’s okay, let’s just–”

“No, it’s not okay! Two people are dead and it’s my fault! None of this is okay!”

Dirk looked tense and ready to bolt. Todd reached out, hoping he might be able to ground Dirk like he had done last night but Dirk only flinched back from his touch.

“Sorry...I– I need to be alone right now.” He walked quickly into Todd's room and shut the door behind him with a definitive click, leaving Farah and Todd behind to exchange worried glances.

Farah took a step towards the bedroom but Todd stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“I think we should let him have some time to calm down.”

“I shouldn't have pushed him.”

“I think that was building for a while. He was due for a freak out after everything this morning.”

Todd didn’t feel happy leaving him alone either but hoped that Dirk would come back out when he was ready. Maybe then they would have better luck convincing him that none of what was happening was his fault.

.

It took a few hours for Dirk to emerged from the bedroom. Farah and Todd had refrained from going to check on him, giving him the space he needed while considering what they could feasibly do to help him.

He stood before them now, face unnaturally solemn but with a determined glint in his eye. His voice when he spoke was as serious as they had ever heard it.

“I have always followed the whims of the universe. And I was fine with that, content with being a leaf in the stream of creation because I got to help people. I got to make a difference.” He took a breath. “But now...with everything...I am not some tool to be used. If the universe wants me to be a killer then they have picked the wrong person. I am going to take control of _my_ life.”

Todd felt a smile break across his face at Dirk’s declaration. “Damn right! The universe has messed with the wrong crowd. We will help you through this, like we always do.”

“Yeah, you aren’t alone in this Dirk.” Farah added.

In an impulsive move Dirk surged forward to envelop them both in a hug. It was far from a comfortable embrace, his face half mashed against Dirk’s boney shoulder, but Todd returned it with just as much enthusiasm.

He knew right then, that whatever happened, whatever mess the universe was throwing their way, they would get through it – together.

 

. . .

 

_Standing alone in an endless void, a man watched. The structure of all things glittered above him, impossibly vast, but he saw all. What he saw was not good. Darkness loomed and the threads that connected all things were tangled and frayed. The universe was broken, perhaps more than it ever had been._

_But there was still time. Things could still be fixed. There was one bright point through which all things were connected. One point that brought order to the chaos._

_One hope._

**_...Dirk Gently._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hoped you enjoyed :) 
> 
> Yes, I know this isn't really an ending but there was a deadline so yeah. There might be more one day if people are interested...
> 
> Also, go check out the [other amazing works](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/DGHDA_Big_Bang_and_Beginner_Bang_2018) being posted!
> 
> .
> 
> Come find me on **[tumblr](http://bloodamber.tumblr.com/)** or **[twitter](https://twitter.com/bloodamber26)** and geek out about stuff!


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